This weekend Monica, Gemma and Cassie all did their civic duty and journeyed to our nations capital, Ottawa. This is their story...
The road trip started off innocently enough, but quickly headed down the tubes when we decided to stop in Coburg for cheap gas. Monica recalled there being a jail that you could visit in this fair town and since we needed some lunch, decided to kill two birds. We drove around the retirement community (walkers a plenty - points galore!!) until we found the Coburg Jail which is now a pub and inn. A quick photo shoot later, decided to sit out and have lunch on the patio. Our waitress proceeded to tell us about the ghost that lives in the inn (Henry) and about their regular karaoke nights (that recently got shut down by the cops for being too rowdy - awesome!). A revisit and over-night stay is definitely in order. After lunch we headed down to the 'solitary confinement' area... more shenanigans with the camera pursued. It was pure gold down there!
Back on the road, many giggles later... we needed another pit stop. We soon found another gem of a town - Kemptville! The population we witnessed consisted of several people in the "big and beautiful" category (perhaps due to the greater than normal ratio of restaurants/grocery stores to residents). We were fortunate enough to see a party in the parking lot of Food Basics, a racy dentists office, and an LCBO cashier with glasses that had a pirate-esq patch that said 'hi' and who LOVED us. Essentially this is the place we like to call Heaven. Finally stocked up on LCBO products, a Tim Horton's cup disguise and we hit the last 45 minutes of road time with fresh travellers in hand.
It is probably worth mentioning a scary little incident that happened on the way....Monica's 'stroke'. This episode happened in the car while Gemma was sleeping....her entire left leg went numb and was difficult to wake back up. At the next stop when the sleeping Gemma awoke Monica described what happened and in genuine concern asked Gemma if she thought it was a stroke. Gemma replied: "It's your left arm, not your left leg ya daft whore!!" It must have taken 5 minutes to compose ourselves after the laughing fit that Gemma brought on.
We made it to Ottawa in the early evening on Friday and our first stop was a place called the Honest Lawyer. We chilled with a junior crowd, and Gemma and Cassie were perplexed and debating about whether the lingering smell was BO or dirty crotch? Monica eventually made the debate stop as she was gagging non-stop. Cassie ended up in a conversation with about 5 young lads while Gemma and Monica made a quick trip to the store to restock on ciggies. Upon re-entry to the bar ID's were checked again...Gemma made a comment about it not being necessary since we were much older than the crowd. The bouncer checked Gemma's ID and said "oh that's not bad", then took Monica's and when handing it back said "thank you Miss". (Perhaps he meant Mrs.Robinson...) An interesting part of this bar was the dance floor, which was half full of wheelchairs enjoying the dance party! We saw some wheelchair dirty dancing! (it really does happen!)
Our next and last stop Friday night was to a place called "Fat Tuesday's". This was much more our scene (not our crowd though), with a live band blasting out crowd loving songs, a few drinks in hand and some dancing we did. The crowd was much older, and at one point we had an older gentleman take our picture, upon handing back the camera he said we were "smoking hot". Felt like a dirty old uncle saying something innappropriate, especially since we had to ask him to repeat it several times before hearing him....the SOS'ers were polite, smiled, and turned away. Cassie then "ran into" - not stalked at all - a dude/crush she went to high school with. Found out he was engaged - so that was a dud. A dude from Barbados then tried to pick up Monica, but she told him she had a boyfriend back home, so she wasn't interested. Seconds later Monica was getting a lezzie 'come hither' stare down from a chick who at the same time was grinding her heart out with an older gentleman! Ugh. it was near this time that the SOS'ers piled into a cab and called it a night.
Saturday... feeling rough from the night before, our 3 lovely ladies didn't quite make it to the friendly 3 k at 9 in the morning, and instead, woke up, got ready, headed to the 'Bucks and enjoyed the task for finding a quiet, inconspicuous spot to pour some Kahlua in our coffee! Upon learning we had a private tour of the Mint - Cassie asked: "ah, are they going to do a bag search?". Luckily they didn't and the remaining Kahlua was saved. After that, we headed to Parliament Hill for some pervy poses with lady statues - a few boob grab poses, Kahlua in tea cup shots, and of course, a good old 5 o'clock pit-shadow shot, we headed back to our hotel. Lo and behold, while Cassie got dressed for her big 10K, Monica and Gemma had the pleasure of an elevator close-in with hot Italian groomsmen...only to start chatting with them as we got off at our floor, our luck with them was not to be had, and even our lobby stalking at 2 am looking for said groomsmen didn't turn out well. Not for lack of Cassie asking another guest if we can crash the party and then yelling: "What kind of hotel bar is this?" - In response to it being closed at 2 am. Saturday evening brought the girls to "Whisky Bar", which played enjoyable music for singing and dancing along, and was meant to be an "older crowd" as the minimum age was 21. This meant the average age was 22.....nevertheless, SOS'ers had a few cocktails, danced like no one was watching and shouted out lyrics whenever appropriate (so always).
Sunday....time for the SOS'ers to head home. After a lunch stop just outside Ottawa the roadtrip home began. While taking a slightly different route home it was determined a stop in Tweed would be a good idea.....who wouldn't think that?? It's WEED with a 'T'....and for that alone it is worth stopping. To our great pleasure we found a lovely location for 'Jail Part 2' photo shoot.....Tweed, home the smallest jail in North America (this is one of the highlights of the town, really). The SOS'ers strolled the main street for a leg stretch, grabbed some ice cream at the local parlour and then continued the journey back to Toronto. Toronto arrival was achieved in decent time, with a head full of foggy memories.....which is how all weekends should end really!
xoxoxo
Cassie, Gemma and Monica
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