That’s What Friends Are For…[Picture Dionne Warwick jousting an SOS sign above her head while belting this out] That’s my theme for the sheer generosity and support that the SOS sisters will provide if they know a fellow SOS’er is going to get some.
Case in point – this weekend. It was my birthday, and unlike last year, when I was tame, I decided I was going to take one for the books. My eyes were in full force as soon as we got to Thursdays, the revolving dance floor calling my name, birthday booze flowing through ma veins, and the disco ball springing dazzly balls of light all about us…all was just magical! LOL Then I see a tall, dark blonde dude, and immediately thought “oh yeh, some eye candy”. We chatted for a bit, found out he was from Toronto, and thought “Really, I came all the way here for a Caker, what about a Frenchie?” Then I realized “Oh yeh, we’re at Thursday’s – only lame-o tourists go there – aka US!!” (and we will continue to!)
After a dance-off with the lovely Alex, and a couple of shots from Mr. Toronto – aka Laddy – as the girls call him, this is then where the night becomes blurry…but don’t worry, the lovely evidence on Monica’s camera brought the horror all back last night: me making out full force on a dance floor while my fellow SOS’ers had the pleasure of front row seats. Later on, Laddy and I arrive back at the hotel, only to find Chelsea and Monica, like the Lesbos they are, tucked into bed canoodling, doing scissor kicks in the air for the amusement of Laddy, while asking “So, how’s everyyyyyyybody doing?” Painted grins on their face. Laddy at this point, was making himself at home, chatting with Alex, Cassie and ‘Ramma, we’ll call her, while I took care of biz of telling Moncia and Chels to bite the dust, and hit the bricks to the other side of the adjoining doorway. (Sorry ladies) Didn’t have to ask twice. These angels grabbed their little pillows, slung under their arms and proceeded to tippy toe across the floor, while giggling like school girls, all the way into to the next room. Night, night, ladies. Lights out.
Now, this I didn’t know until the morning, the lovely and classy Chels, decided to make smacking noises, while Mon echoed in with some moaning. This I did not even remotely hear - too biz at this point. Home run down – don’t ask me details cause I DO NOT remember. Rise and shine at 5 am for round two; again, very blurry. The hilarity continued, as I woke up to a blaring alarm at 7:30 (who the F$&% asked for a wake up call?), at this point, am wide awake, and Laddy, not so much. Lying there, arm around me, all I wanted to do was get up and get him outta there. But nope, didn’t hear any stirring from the next room until an hour later, and hightailed it, slipped into my PJs and went in to visit with the girls.
After asking Chels how to get rid of a stage 5 clinger (let’s face it, she should know) and her telling me “How the hell would I know?” I decide to go in and try and do this myself – but with no success. After letting the girls scrounge around the room, grabbing every article of clothing and belonging they could find, my self control all went to hell, and my sluttiness back in full force. Laddy clearly wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. For the next hour and half, I got a little birthday how’s your father, a massage (really? I was bored – let’s be honest, I have ADD and massages make me squirmy to begin with). But clearly he was just leading up to the next selfless 30 mins he spent downtown visiting good old pussy – take it easy, that’s just my NAME – ask Monica. At this point, all I know is that if someone is this generous cause it’s my day of birth, then EVERY DAY SHOULD BE MY BIRTHDAY!
Though all of this action jackson, I managed to try and block out the continuous melody of “Birthday Sex” pulsing through the doorway, on his phone (SOSers had his number), and on Monica’s phone – basically, stirring at every possible minute!” (thanks ladies on the other side of the door for that). After some rustling around the doorway, we eventually realize a piece of paper (a form, if you will) being pushed under the door. Laddy goes to see what it is, I immeditally bolt up yelling, “Ah, don’t read that!” Too late. For your viewing please, please see the image attached. Laddy, clearly a good sport says “Oh yes, let me help you fill this out!” And he did. Finally, we decide to continue this in the shower, where, after another 15 minutes of bliss, Laddy almost takes a spill, and me with him, outta the shower after his legs almost give out when he pops his cork! (now that would’ve been a nice visual for the EMS books if I had to call 911). After laughing for ages, then he proceeds to tell me he cracked his head open two weeks ago, has two staples in there - i felt, and quite shady as to why; leading me to believe, he does this often! lol. Ladies, I would like to publicly say that I am sorry for making you wait this long, but I’d be lying. And I can't lie, cause I need to get to church on Sunday, and holy water burns on a sinner's skin, if you didn't know.
What a great birthday, thanks to my SOS’ers. Let’s hope the big 3 “0” next year has just as good a BIG “O” as 29!
Happy Birthday to Me!
Gemma xo
PS - some of my favourite phrases from the SOS’ers this weekend:
Qu'est-ce Fuck?
Yeh, well, maybe he should learn how to eat!
Oh, no, I DO have beef curtains!
Don’t say you hate the word vagina! Then you hate your vagina, and you need to love your vagina, everything about it.
Pussies don’t smell; my pussy doesn’t smell
#1: “Oh I smell fish” (walking into McDicks) #2: Don’t worry Chels, it’s not your pussy.
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